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The mental load of motherhood… You can’t see it but it’s definitely there. You’re lying in bed at night, exhausted — but your brain won’t switch off.
You’re thinking about:
- School lunches
- Appointments
- Groceries
- Birthdays
- Bills
- Who needs what tomorrow
This isn’t overthinking.
This is the mental load of motherhood.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load is the invisible work of managing life.
It’s not just doing tasks — it’s:
The remembering…
Trying and anticipating others needs.
Planning for an entire family not just yourself.
Noticing the needs of everybody around you!
Then worrying… how will you get it all done?
Mums often carry the role of household manager, emotional regulator, and default decision-maker — even when responsibilities are “shared”.
And because this work is invisible, it often goes unnoticed and unacknowledged.
Why the Mental Load Is So Exhausting
The mental load is constant.
It doesn’t stop when the dishes are done or the kids are asleep. It follows you into the shower, into bed, into moments that should feel restful.
This leads to:
- Chronic exhaustion
- Emotional overwhelm
- Irritability and guilt
- Burnout
And many mums blame themselves — when the real issue is that they’re carrying too much.
Signs You’re Carrying Too Much Mental Load
You might be overwhelmed by the mental load if:
- You feel responsible for remembering everything
- You struggle to relax
- You’re constantly mentally “on”
- You feel resentful but guilty about it
- You can’t switch off, even when you’re tired
These aren’t personal flaws. They’re signs of overload.
Why “Just Get Organised” Isn’t the Answer
Organisation can help — but it doesn’t solve the mental load on its own. So that stupid advice Betty down the road gave you throw that in the bin…
Why?
Because the mental load isn’t just about tasks. It’s about responsibility.
You can have a perfectly organised system and still feel exhausted if:
- Everything still relies on you
- You’re the one holding it all together
- You’re never mentally off-duty
Reducing the mental load requires more than better lists.
Step One: Make the Invisible Visible
The first step to reducing the mental load is acknowledging it.
Write down:
Everything you manage – all those things you are responsible for
All the things you remember – brains are for having thoughts not holding them…
Everything you worry about – everything!
The things
Seeing it on paper can be emotional — validating, even confronting.
But it’s also empowering.
You’re not “bad at coping”. You’re doing too much.
Step Two: Question What Actually Needs Your Energy
Not everything deserves the same level of attention.
Ask yourself:
- Does this truly matter?
- Does it need to be done this way?
- Does it need to be done by me?
Reducing the mental load often means lowering expectations — not just getting more organised.
The 5×5 rule gets you to ask yourself… Will this matter in 5 years? If not then don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it. It might feel like you have to really think about all these things to begin with but in no time it will come naturally.
Step Three: Create External Systems for Your Brain
Your brain wasn’t meant to store endless reminders.
I can’t say enough… brains are for having thoughts not holding them!
External systems help offload mental work:
- Writing things down – journalling, planning, developing a second brain
- Using simple routines – a routines list in notion that resets daily is perfect or you could even set one up in your phone reminders!
- Having one place for information – I use Notion as a second brain, it is my little bit of self care mixed with productivity
The goal isn’t control — it’s relief.
Step Four: Share the Mental Load (Where Possible)
This step can be difficult — emotionally and practically.
Sharing the mental load isn’t just about delegating tasks. It’s about sharing ownership.
That might look like:
Letting someone else manage a task completely: Talk to your partner about the load, maybe there is a job they could do that would be really helpful for you to not have to worry about, maybe the bins going out or the mail coming in…
Accepting different ways of doing things, sometimes as mums we get so good at doing everything we start to only want things done a certain way.
This only causes more work for you in tension in your home, sometimes letting things go and realizing its not that deep if our partner uses the dryer instead of hanging the washing is key.
Releasing control we can’t do everything and that means allowing others to do things their way sometimes. This is ok… your still just as good of a mum.
It won’t be perfect. But perfection isn’t the goal — sustainability is.
Step Five: Allow Yourself to Do Less
This might be the hardest step.
Reducing the mental load often means:
- Saying no
- Letting go
- Accepting “good enough”
You are not required to carry everything just because you can.
The Emotional Side of the Mental Load
The mental load isn’t just practical — it’s emotional.
Mums often carry:
Guilt, worry, responsibility for everyone’s feelings.
If this is you, that is ok but know long term you will burn out.
You don’t need to stop caring — but you do deserve care too.
When the Mental Load Feels Too Heavy
If the mental load feels unbearable, it’s okay to seek support — practical or emotional.
Burnout isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.
A Gentle Thought to End With
You are not weak for feeling overwhelmed.
You are human — and you are carrying a lot.
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