Is it normal to hate being a parent? YES! Parenting is hard and mentally draining work. Feeling resentment towards your life after a baby and with young kids is normal.
It is super important you realise resenting the way your life is or feels is normal. You don’t resent your kids and that is ok!
What you have to do now is to make the effort to do a bit of personal growth and arm yourself with the knowledge you need to feel happier as a parent. This will let you show up as a better parent.
Parenting Is Exhausting
Now we already know it is normal to hate being a parent. The thing is, it is ok to feel that way. There are lots of reasons that parenting can be straining.
Honestly, though parenting might be one of the most exhausting jobs around. New parents especially will notice just how different life is with broken sleep.
Mentally parenting is exhausting as you are constantly aware of a little person. Even when you sleep you tend to sleep lighter. Especially females who may be breastfeeding you are hyper-aware of the little human you have to take care of!
Understanding that doing anything tired is so much tougher is a great start. In all honesty, you will probably do 80% of your parenting tired! So feelings of overwhelm, stress, and exhaustion can quickly disguise themselves as hate and resentment.
Is It Normal To Not Want To Be A Parent Anymore?
As we have talked about… who needs sleep anyway?
No, I’m just kidding. We need sleep. Do we get it? Nah…
Jokes aside, trust me it is normal to have thoughts that follow down the track of:
- I don’t want to be a parent anymore.
- I want things to go back to normal.
- I wish I didn’t have kids.
- Life used to be so much easier.
The important thing to realise, as long as you aren’t at the point where you feel you could be a danger to yourself or anyone around you, then you can change these thoughts and the story you tell yourself.
If you are starting to feel or feeling like a danger to yourself, to your kids, or those around you. Make sure you get professional help as soon as possible, it’s their job and you will thank yourself for it.
You have to start by realising there is a big difference between thoughts and facts. Facts are true, thoughts generally are not true so much as they are opinions.
The stories we choose to tell ourselves influence every part of our being. So changing the story can have a bigger impact than you may realise.
Instead of “Life used to be so much easier.” “Life isn’t easy at the moment but one day soon it will be easy again.”
My Story…
I often think of when I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter for the first six months of her life. In the early days, I felt so trapped, never getting more than half an hour to an hour to myself alone.
I felt touched out, smothered, stuck to the couch, you name it I felt it.
Then when I lost my milk and couldn’t breastfeed anymore after about six months, I can tell you there was nothing I missed more than the quiet nights when it was only me and her awake and the world was sleeping.
I missed the connection, the cuddles, the peace, the sleepy hormones my body produced, you name it I missed it.
The point is, in the thick of it, I couldn’t change my story. But as I came out of that period the story changed itself.
Is It OK To Not Enjoy Being A Parent
The short answer again is yes. Being a parent as we have talked about is super tiring. It also takes a while to adjust to. So any feelings you have about parenthood are valid.
As we have talked about the best way to manage unwanted feelings in parenthood, is to start by accepting them. Once you tell yourself it is normal to feel this way you can start to change your story.
We never enjoy everything all the time, so, normally, our passion and enjoyment for being a parent will come and go.
It is important that even as our excitement and enjoyment come and go. We try to show up as the best parents possible for our kiddos every day.
Even when that feels hard the best thing to do is talk about it. Plus one foot in front of the other… If you have a good support crew chat to them about needing a break. Even you could hire a nanny!
What If I Hate Being A Parent
Maybe you just thinking about starting a family, or you are pregnant… The question what if I hate being a parent is spinning around your head.
Honestly thinking through all these options post-baby is a great idea so you can make plans for when you are finding parenting tough.
If you feel like you hate being a parent sometimes that is a normal feeling. Plenty of parents feel that way sometimes.
If you are feeling it more than just sometimes remember to reach out to your doctor for some help. They have great resources available.
As your baby grows, from newborn to toddler, to school age there are different challenges and milestones along the ages. It is normal to like some of these stages more than others.
Just remember to be easy on yourself and communicate with the people around you. Be it friends and family or your doctor.
We Can’t Love Everything All The Time
The one thing I can’t stress to you enough is we can’t love everything, all the time. As humans, we were designed to survive not be happy!
When I heard that recently on the Jordan Peterson Podcast, which is hugely fascinating for anyone who enjoys some quite in-depth conversations.
It discussed the biological makeup of a woman and how birth control can affect us and is worth a listen.
The point is that love comes and goes. Our commitment and showing up daily is what has to stick. The cool thing is you can choose to practice showing up every day and getting better at that.
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10 Ways To Get Your Parenting Mojo Back:
If you’re here then you might just be feeling like you have lost your parenting mojo! That is ok, now it’s time to get it back.
So now here are out 10 strategies you can use to get your parenting mojo back. Remembering you don’t have to love being a parent all the time, but some of the time would be nice hey!
Find Inspiration
Sometimes when we lose motivation a really simple way we can find motivation is through inspiration. Inspiration can be found in many places these days.
Finding inspiration in parenting can come from various sources. Here are a few suggestions:
- Parenting Books and Blogs: There’s a wealth of knowledge in books and blogs where other parents share their experiences, challenges, and how they overcame them. Learning from others’ experiences can provide a fresh perspective and practical tips.
- Parenting Classes and Seminars: These provide a platform where experts share their knowledge. They can also be a great place to meet other parents and share experiences.
- Social Media Groups and Forums: Online platforms like Facebook groups, Reddit forums, or Instagram pages dedicated to parenting can be a great source of inspiration. Parents from around the world share their experiences, ideas, and advice.
- Friends and Family: People in our immediate social circle who are also parents can be a source of inspiration. They understand your struggles and wins better and their advice can be more personalized.
- Your Kids: Children can be surprisingly insightful and their innocent outlook towards life can be truly inspiring. Take time to listen to them, play with them, and see the world through their eyes.
Remember, the goal is not to imitate what others are doing but to gain insights and inspiration to form your unique parenting style that works best for your family.
Looking in these places and feeding from others’ energy can help us refill our parenting cup! It is normal to hate being a parent if you are burning out.
Have A Break
Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a break to get yourself back on track. Now I know with parenting we don’t get a real break ever.
We will always worry or think about our babies, even when we are away from them.
Taking a break can be extremely beneficial for your parenting journey. It allows you to recharge and refocus, which can enhance your patience and understanding.
This can lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable parenting experience. Remember, it’s not just okay but necessary to take time for yourself, even amidst the busyness of parenthood.
Even taking a break like choosing to pop a movie on for your kids so you can have a breather is a great idea.
Talking to their grandparents or friends and seeing if someone would like to have them for a couple of hours and then spending that time intentionally.
You can do things like:
- Watch a movie or TV show you enjoy.
- Go for a walk.
- Go out and get coffee and food.
- Catch up with a friend.
- Or simply nap on the couch!
Do something that is going to fill your cup. Make the most of the time, then tidy up your home together with your kids later on. The housework will always be there later.
Talk To Someone About The Way You Are Feeling
As we discussed earlier family and friends who have had kids or have similar-aged kids, will be some of the best support you can find.
Talking to them about what you struggling with and how you may be feeling resentful or stressed out by your parenting duties at the moment.
Chances are they have felt like that in the past or maybe are even feeling that way now.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your journey as a parent. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of resentment or frustration, don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and family for support.
They can provide comfort, advice, and a fresh perspective. Sometimes, simply voicing your feelings and struggles can be incredibly therapeutic. So message that friend now and organise to have a coffee.
Remember, there’s no shame in finding parenting tough. It’s a difficult job, and everyone struggles from time to time.
If you have really serious feelings and are feeling harmful to yourself or your kids remember. Talk to a professional, start with your doctor.
Another great opportunity when struggling with your parenting is to chat with a counsellor. They are a great neutral party and will be able to help you get yourself more on track.
Remind Yourself Of What Amazing Kids You Are Bringing Up
Sometimes, amidst the chaos and challenges of parenting, it’s easy to lose sight of the amazing little beings you are bringing up.
Take a moment to reflect on their unique qualities, their achievements, their growth, and their potential. Celebrate their individuality and remind yourself of the role you play in shaping them.
This can help shift your focus from the stress of parenting to the joy and fulfilment it brings. Remember, you’re not just doing chores and enforcing rules – you’re raising future adults, instilling values, and guiding them through life.
This is no small feat and is something to be immensely proud of. Sometimes just grounding yourself and reminding yourself, what a great job of raising your fantastic kids you are doing can give you a little boost.
This Too Shall Pass
If you are on any parenting Facebook pages, you have surely heard this. Sometimes the tough times can be just that touch more bearable by remembering that this is only a very small moment in time.
Remembering that although in the thick of it can feel like it will never end. In no time at all it will have passed you by.
Remember, in parenting, “This too shall pass”. It’s important to keep in mind that every stage, every challenge, and every overwhelming moment is temporary.
As your children grow and change, so will the dynamics of parenting. Hang in there! It is normal to hate being a parent, some days you may hate your job or the chores at home. It is about one foot in front of the other.
The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short
It might seem paradoxical, but in parenting, sometimes the days can feel incredibly long yet the years seem incredibly short. This often comes from the constant demands and challenges that fill each day, making them feel drawn out.
However, when you look back, time seems to have flown by as your children grow up so quickly. Recognizing this can help to appreciate the present and savour the little moments, even amid the daily chaos.
You will be surprised how long the days feel when you’re feeding your newborn. Then suddenly your newborn is a year old and it feels like you blinked and missed it.
So yes it is normal to hate being a parent at different times in your parenting journey. But it will go, and you will miss it.
Therapy If You Are Feeling Very Negative
If you are struggling to fight the negative feelings and negative thoughts around parenting. We all do. If it is starting to feel like too much looking into therapy is a great idea.
There are so many benefits to therapy and for parents, it can help you become a better more directional parent.
Therapy can provide a safe space to express and navigate through the challenging feelings that can come with motherhood.
It can help you develop strategies to manage stress, foster positive parenting practices, and improve your overall well-being.
Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re finding parenting particularly tough. Remember, taking care of your mental health is a crucial part of being a good parent.
Understanding that it can be totally normal on your individual parenting journey, to hate being a parent at times.
Discover New Activities
Finding new things to do with your kids can bring fun and variety into your routine, which can help renew your enjoyment of parenting. This can be anything from exploring new parks, trying out new crafts, starting a fun DIY project, or even cooking together.
The key is to find activities that both you and your kids enjoy. This not only creates bonding time but also allows you to share interests and make happy memories together.
Something to remember is your kids won’t remember a messy home, but they will remember the cake you baked together. Or that day at the park, or when you saw a seal at the beach.
The Things You Enjoy Doing With Your Kids Do More Of That
Doing more of the things you enjoy with your kids can drastically improve your mindset towards parenting. Whether it’s playing board games, cooking together, reading books, or exploring the outdoors, these shared activities can create joyful memories and strengthen your bond.
Not only does this make parenting more enjoyable, but it also provides your children with a positive, engaged, and happy parent figure.
Remember, it’s not about doing everything perfectly, it’s about spending quality time together. So identify those activities that bring you joy and make them a regular part of your family’s routine.
I’ll say it again, your kids won’t remember a messy home. They will remember the time you took them fishing, or to the pool and played!
Find More Knowledge – When You Know Better You Can Do Better
Acquiring more knowledge on parenting can be truly transformative. Not only can it be a source of inspiration, but it can also improve your approach to parenting.
When you understand more about yourself, your child, and parenting in general, you’re able to make better decisions and handle challenges more effectively. Remember, knowledge is power.
So read that parenting book, attend that seminar, or join that parenting group. The more you know, the better you can do for yourself and your child. Listen to that podcast even!
Parenting Facebook groups offer community and knowledge and can be a great place to find new friends.
Also, check out Pinterest to read some parenting blogs, they have fantastic relatable content that is going to excite you to start your day as a parent.
It is possible, to find enjoyment again in parenthood by arming yourself with knowledge. So knowing it is normal to hate being a parent and knowing it can be changed is a super helpful thing.
So Is It Normal To Hate Being A Parent?
Yes! It can be normal to feel dislike, resentment, or even hate towards the changes in your life that come with parenthood.
Understanding that your feelings are about parenthood and your life, rather than aimed at your children.
Through knowledge and personal growth, you can find new ways to fall in love with being a parent. You are never going to love it all the time but you can make the effort to make the great times great and the bad times better.
So now you have all the tools to turn around your mindset and feelings towards parenthood. It is possible and remember the first step is to understand you don’t feel those negative feelings towards your children but towards your life.
Luckily you can change how your life is and the story you tell yourself about it.
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